


Four Reasons Why Those Two Aren't Having Sex (and One Proof That They Definitely Are)

by slotumn



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Bets & Wagers, Comedy, Crack, Developing Relationship, Drabble Collection, F/M, Gossip, Hijinks & Shenanigans, Implied Sexual Content, Post-Timeskip | War Phase (Fire Emblem: Three Houses), Romantic Comedy, Sexual Tension, no beta we die like Glenn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-02
Updated: 2020-04-02
Packaged: 2021-03-01 04:28:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 565
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23439205
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/slotumn/pseuds/slotumn
Summary: "They really would have fucked already, if they were normal people."-Anonymous member of Ordelia Sorcery Co.A.K.A. People around the monastery have a bet on whether/when Claude and Lysithea will have sex.
Relationships: Lysithea von Ordelia/Claude von Riegan
Comments: 1
Kudos: 28





	Four Reasons Why Those Two Aren't Having Sex (and One Proof That They Definitely Are)

1\. Lysithea wouldn't

_"Our young lady has always been very focused on her future and goals-- and that's one of her strengths, don't get me wrong, but she often turns herself away from the finer things in life, such as love! She claims that sweets are all the indulgence she needs or wants in life, but that's clearly not the case._

_Have you seen the way she looks at Duke Riegan? She's **so** infatuated, and **so** annoyed-- and that exact expression is the closest visual equivalent women have to popping a boner._

_They really would have fucked already, if they were normal people."_

-Anonymous member of Ordelia Sorcery Co.

\---

2\. Claude wouldn't

_"Everyone knows him as the silver tongue of the Roundtable, or a master tactician and a schemer, but Duke Riegan is actually a sappy ol' son of a bitch deep inside._

_Oh, sure, he'll act all coy and charming and flirt with people to gain whatever upper hand he can, but it's different when it's with someone he truly loves-- someone "special" to him. He's too worried about getting things right to bed her or even tell her he loves her this early._

_Silly concerns, I say. Many youths these days have sex first and figure out the rest later!"_

-Anonymous member of Immortal Corps

\---

3\. Whole monastery is having a bet over it

_"Things weren't supposed to get this big, I swear!_

_It originally started out as a drunk bet between friends, something to take our minds off from the war, y'know? Somebody joked that the sexual tension between those two had to snap some time, and that ended up turning into a big betting pool about not just when, but where they'd have sex!_

_They probably know. And now, they probably won't do it just to spite us._

_It's a shame, they already act like a cute couple, they should make it official already._

_I bet on the library, by the way."_

-Anonymous general in Alliance army (not Hilda Valentine Goneril)

\---

4\. They already did...?

_"Think about it. What's more likely, those two not doing anything for five years, or already having made the moves and keeping it on the down low?_

_I'm not really invested in what's going on with other people's relationships, usually, but man, people sure are making a big deal out of this. I guess doing something that will eventually get you blasted by Dark Spikes is still your choice and stuff. Just don't do it near me, I don't like seeing blood._

_Point is, you guys are the dense ones here, not them. I'm sure their sex life is okay."_

-Anonymous healer in Alliance army (not Linhardt von Hevring, not writing this on Lysithea's request)

\---  
\---

5\. And we have a winner!

_"Write this down. Here's how it's going to happen._

_On Friday, the two of them will come into the meeting looking perfectly normal. Later that evening, they'll retire early, saying they need to prepare for beast hunting with Professor over the weekend._

_They will leave early in Saturday morning, by themselves with no battalions, and not return until late Sunday night._

_Monday morning, everything will be the same, except Claude's yellow cape and Lysithea's purple veil will be missing._

_Lysithea will be wearing a yellow "scarf" around her neck and Claude's "cravat" will be purple._

_And nobody will say **anything**."_

-Anonymous winner of the bet

**Author's Note:**

> [LysiClaude week twitter](https://twitter.com/LysiClaudeWeek?s=20)
> 
> [My twitter](https://twitter.com/slotumn?s=09)
> 
> Because sometimes, you gotta write good ol' 2009 FFN style will-they-or-won't-they type fics.


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